For those of you who actually read this, I will no longer be blogging here. I have upgraded to www.baileycoates.blogspot.com
enjoy!
My Life as it is.
It has been an odd past couple of weeks. I’ve been highly unmotivated and beyond bored. I usually hate when people say “they’re bored” because I always want to tell them to do something about it. It’s weird though. I’m bored with my life, yet I feel so unmotivated to do anything about it. Until today, that is.
I believe I found a job. We’ll see. It’s still up in the air. It’s really difficult to find a job in Tucson these days- let alone anywhere. I’ll keep ya posted on the latest job news.
It’s official. I’ll be home for Christmas on the 15-26th. I’m excited, yet semi-apprehensive. It will be so nice to see my family and friends…. I’ve really been missing my nieces and nephews. They all seem so big. I hear Emma is starting to wear a little make-up. Weird…. I’m slightly apprehensive because it will be my first Christmas without my Dad. And the first time for me to be home since he passed away. There’s just a lot of memories there and this will be the first time for me to really face them head-on. But shh… don’t tell my mom. She likes to worry about me.
The Church is doing wonderful. It is growing, people are coming to know Christ every week. It’s amazing. Really. Lives are being changed. How cool, right?
My cell phone died. I will hopefully be getting a new one tomorrow…. with a new number, so be ready.
oh, and I’ve been taking sleeping pills the past 4 nights. I’ve been having issues with sleeping for about 4 or 5 months. I finally gave in. But, as you can see, it’s nearly 3 AM and I’m still awake. hmm… have I overcome the sleeping aids? I think so….
That’s all I have for now. I’m going to try to keep this updated on a regular basis from here on out. Kim Waldron and Shannon Ramey are quite the inspiration.
Surrender
Do you ever feel like you often don’t get the things you really want in life? Do you feel like God’s denying you these things or maybe like He’s not even listening?
I must say, there have been times when I have felt like God wasn’t there. Not long after my father passed away I felt so alone. I felt like no one in the world understood what I was in the middle of. And just when you’d think you’d need God the most, I couldn’t find Him anywhere. His voice was so faint. All I wanted was for Him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay(which I can now look back and see that’s exactly what He was doing…) but I couldn’t hear Him. My prayer was that I was broken and I wanted Him to fix me. That’s all, God. Just fix me. He was nowhere(so I thought).
I’m sure we’ve all been through similar times. All we want is to hear God and for Him to answer our prayers… and He doesn’t.
My best friend, Kim, laughs at me because often many issues in life are “trust issues”. If you know me well enough that phrase will often pop up in conversation, “well, that’s a trust issue.” But honestly, if I truly trusted God with these things in my life… the important things. Ya know, the issues that are the “big” ones. i.e. career change, going back to school, marriage(or single-hood), finances… and so on, I wonder what life would be like.
True surrender really does equal true freedom.
What issues do you not trust God with?
Jeremiah 29-11-14 :: I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out. Plans to take care of you, not abandon you. Plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.
Do you see your life as a bigger picture? As a part of a greater song or story? Or do you see it as your own? Are you holding on to the “big issues”? what is holding you back from trusting a holy God….the Creator of everything good… with your life? Sometimes we have this sense of ‘God, if you’d just give me this, then I’d be ok. Then my life would be okay.’ Why are we trying to be in control?
There have been many times in life when I have felt unsure about important issues and I have trusted God… and things turned out better than I could ever have imagined. Why don’t I have that faith always?
I was asked by a friend(Rob Bell) “do you believe God is good? I mean, do you deep in your bones? What do you really believe God is like? Because until we each deal with this question, then nothing’s ever going to make any sense, is it?”
So, do you? Do you believe God is truly good? Then let go and trust Him.
Surrendering,
Bailey
SWEET JESUS!!
Man! What a great time of worship we had at CEC yesterday! Was it just me or was God totally lovin’ on us? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just me…..
You know what is ironic about worship(and also, pretty rad about God….)? When we are giving ourselves to Him and telling Him how much we love Him, He is pouring His love right back on us. I love it.
Ok… it’s confession time:
It’s currently 2 AM and I’m sitting at the COFFEE XCHANGE and I’m people watching like crazy. For those of you who know me, know I am absolutely horrible (or awesome…depending on how you look at it) at this. I can’t help it. People intrigue me. I listen to other’s conversations constantly. I’m addicted, I know. But as I sit here I can’t help but be broken by some of the conversations others are having.
“SWEET JESUS! If there is a God, save my soul because I know I’m going straight to hell!!”—said in a joking manner by a 20 something year old girl.
SIGH.
I hate that. I want so bad to go over to her and just hug her. (Watch out. One day and it will probably result in my arrest.) I want to tell her that there is a sweet Jesus. And He does loves you. And He wants to save you from eternal pain and misery. And not only that, but He wants to rock your world now.
My prayer is that our worship at CEC is not reserved for Sunday mornings only. My prayer is that our worship on Sunday morning is the overflow of our worship from the entire week. My prayer is that we worship God so hard and so wreckless. I pray that others start “people watching” us because our love for the Creator is so enticing. I pray that Tucson will be connected to a holy God because our worship is so loud.
Hold on to Your Seats, Ladies!
Oh man! What a weeks! It has been crammed full with all sorts of events. Let’s see… Sunday, Julia’s parents and our friend Kevin came down for a little visit from Texas. Monday, we woke to a COMPLETELY flooded apartment… no lie. Tuesday, we had a fantastic LifeGroup and Wednesday, I started a new job! yay for life!
Let’s rewind to Tuesday shall we. Tuesday may have been one of the greatest days of my life. I has able to have an intense encounter with the Lord. I was blessed to experience Him in a way I haven’t in a long time. I had an amazing meditation and prayer time that night with the Father. It was so beautiful. I haven’t felt that close to God in so long. It was so close it almost felt as if He were sitting on my lap(He probably was… I wouldn’t throw that past Him.). God spoke the spirit of truth, love, and encouragement into me. I(we) are so loved by Him. It is so overwhelming.
In LifeGroups this past week, we were encouraged by our leaders to spend quality time focusing of Christ’s voice and praying to Him. I’m so glad we were. My time with Him this week has just been beautiful. There is so much peace and joy that comes from a vibrant relationship with God. The more I spend with Him, the more I fall in love. I am praying for the souls of CityEdge. I’m praying that they too experience this type of intimacy.
Love you guys,
Bailey
I want to sit at your feet…
drink from the cup in your hands…
lay back against you and breathe…
feel your heart beat…
this love is so deep…
it’s more than I can stand…
I melt in your peace…
it’s overwhelming…
Fungus…
This just in: I am not a fungus. I know, right? Allow me to explain.
These past two months have been a whirlwind of emotions. It is amazingly easy to avoid life when you are going through a difficult time. I have been quite successful in this endeavor. But, with the help of an amazing friend, I have come to the realization that I am not a fungus and I do not grow hidden under a log…. rather, I grow when I allow myself to lay exposed… naked, if you will, before a lovely God. I grow when I allow myself to interact with others. I grow when I engage in my community… my family.
I can not express how much I desire for others to have this level of community. That is my desire for CEC and more specifically for LifeGroups. LGs should be a group of people that are true family. We as believers, need to be walking with one another through this life. We need to be patient with one another when we are going through difficult times. We need to love one another when we are unlovable. And we need to be that gentle reminder to one another that life must go on… and it won’t if we are being a fungus under a log.
I praise God for CityEdge. I’m thankful to be a part of a community that truly desires to love God and love His people.
Fishing With Jesus
The past few entries I have written have been rather “Debbie Downer”, but for some reason or another low times encourage me to write.
As many of you know, my father passed away last Wednesday. I’ve never felt such pain. I feel my heart literally breaking. This has been the longest week in my life. Through all the sorrow and pain, I have felt God’s love, comfort and peace unlike any time before. God has answered so many of my prayers throughout the last year.
Since I moved to Tucson, AZ last June I have prayed that I would not get a phone call telling me that my dad was gone. I was blessed to be with my father when he passed away. Yes, he has been sick for over half of my life, but yet it was still sudden. You always think you have more time. I didn’t wake up Wednesday morning knowing that was going to be my last day with him. But because of God’s sovereignty I stayed home that day. A huge prayer of mine was that my dad would not be alone when he passed. And he wasn’t. I was blessed to be there, holding him the whole time before the ambulance got there. Another prayer of mine was that my mom would be able to see him before he died. And she did. As she walked in his room at the ER she held his hand and told him she loved him and he slowly faded. He waited for her.
My dad was an amazing man. He was a fighter. He loved him family so much. He loved his Saviour. He loved God’s creation. Although my heart is broken because I miss my dad so much, I’m envious of where he is now.
I know he is fishing with Jesus.
What More Could A Girl Ask For?
I tell ya what- it’s been a pretty rocky past couple of weeks. Let’s hit on a couple of the highlights, shall we?
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Monday evening, as I was driving rapidly to the gas station (just being seconds away) my car suddenly stopped working! What could this be? ah yes…. Silly me ran out of gas.
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Since I have some of the greatest friends ever, Julia and Sterling came to save the day and take me to the gas station to purchase a gas can and a little gas. As we get back to the car, I notice my keys aren’t with me. Where could they be?? Of course. In the ignition! Locked in my car! CHA CHING!
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Today I go to work…. semi cranky…. but that’s beside the point. What could go wrong at work? Oh nothing… except for maybe potentially burning the place down. haha… leave it to me to literally catch things on fire. haha… I know right?
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Then– here’s the icing on the cake– I hit the back of some guys brand new Lexus. oops! Luckily it didn’t really leave a mark and the guy didn’t really care…. but holy crap people!
To be honest, these are the type of things I get over. It is the bigger things… the issues that deal with people that get to me.
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Confrontation with my boss
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Frustrations with my job
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Seeing the brothers and sisters in Christ act in such a manner that is not glorifying to the King
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Missing my family…. terribly
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Missing quality time spent with Jesus
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Not expressing myself through art because I’m not making time for it
These are the things that break me down. And to be real honest and real- sometimes you just feel like throwing in the towel. Some days I just want to quit my job, sit in my room all day with the lights off and wallow in my sorrows.
But then I’m reminded that I am not here on this earth to think about how bad I may have it. I’m here to love God and love people. But sometimes people are just so gosh darn unlovable. But that’s the beauty of the story. God loves me even though I’m unlovable. But the coolest part of that story is that He doesn’t find me unlovable. He finds me beautiful, gentle, kind, precious, funny, delicate, joyous…. and just flat out fantastic.
I’m so glad He’s given me hope. And peace. And people around me who throw me fiestas because I’ve had a crappy week. He knows me pretty well. What more could a girl ask for?
To Fig Leaf or Not to Fig Leaf? That is the Question….
Bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh (Genesis 2:23)
The first time poetry is written in Scripture is when Moses writes about the first time Adam looks upon Eve. How beautiful. I’ve always looked at this time in a story book way; I never saw it as a pure and gentle moment. My friend, Don has helped put that in prospective for me.
So here it is… I’ll just lay it out there: I’ve been struggling lately with this whole being a single woman thing. By no means do I doubt God’s love for me or anyone else’s at that matter… just sometimes I lose sight of God’s timing. But here is what is so beautiful- it’s OK to be lonely! What a relief! In Genesis Moses writes about how God creates Adam. Adam walks with God… yet Adam is lonely. I’m not weird! God created me with desire. But the thing is, when God notices Adam is lonely, He doesn’t create Eve right then. He waits. He tells Adam to go and name all the animals. ha. This sounds like an easy task right? It sounds like it probably took no time. But are you aware of how many animals exist on Earth? oh just anywhere between 10 million and 100 million. That’s all. This took years. years. And the entire time Adam was lonely. Here is where I relate to Adam. Although he desired unity with a human, a soul… he didn’t stop doing what God called him to do.
Moses said that Eve didn’t give birth to their third child till Adam was good an old- well into his hundreds, which means they would have had Cain and Abel about thirty years before, which also means either it took Adam more than a hundred years to name the animals(likely), or he and Eve didn’t have sex for an extremely uneventful century(unlikey). So here’s Adam. A human who is created for community.. waiting… for one hundred years. It makes me wonder if God made him wait just so he would truly appreciate God’s gift to him. hmm… Now I understand why Adam would break out into poetry the first time his eyes meet Eve’s.
Bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh (Genesis 2:23)
Their relationship was beautiful. It’s brilliant to think that in this way we were created in the likeness of God- we need one another. Not that God needs anyone or anything. But He feels joy in giving away His love…. and in being loved. Even in a perfect world- paradise- we are in need of one another.
No Witty Title Needed…..
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Today was a fantastic day. A great way to end a semi- crappy weekend, that’s for sure! Today a group of us had a fun time eating taco salad, laughing, and discussing what God desires of us- the Church.
Beth said something so profound and I had to get on here and blog about it before Billy did! So here it is: Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on reaching the lost as a whole, we forget to reach the lost as an individual.
Pause.
I know. Isn’t that great? It is so profound. So true. Yet so ugly. My prayer is that we, as CityEdge Church, don’t forget to notice the people around us as individuals- those whom God loves. If we begin to look at lost people as a whole, we begin to tackle their “lostness” as a disease. We feed them a one-size-fits-all-get-out-of-hell-free-card. But when we recognize the Lost as people with souls that need to be lovingly directed on this pathway of life to the Father, we begin to be intentional. We intentionally build relationships with them. We intentionally love them. And we intentionally share who Christ is with them. Father, make my heart like Yours. I want to love like only You can. |
