The past few entries I have written have been rather “Debbie Downer”, but for some reason or another low times encourage me to write.
As many of you know, my father passed away last Wednesday. I’ve never felt such pain. I feel my heart literally breaking. This has been the longest week in my life. Through all the sorrow and pain, I have felt God’s love, comfort and peace unlike any time before. God has answered so many of my prayers throughout the last year.
Since I moved to Tucson, AZ last June I have prayed that I would not get a phone call telling me that my dad was gone. I was blessed to be with my father when he passed away. Yes, he has been sick for over half of my life, but yet it was still sudden. You always think you have more time. I didn’t wake up Wednesday morning knowing that was going to be my last day with him. But because of God’s sovereignty I stayed home that day. A huge prayer of mine was that my dad would not be alone when he passed. And he wasn’t. I was blessed to be there, holding him the whole time before the ambulance got there. Another prayer of mine was that my mom would be able to see him before he died. And she did. As she walked in his room at the ER she held his hand and told him she loved him and he slowly faded. He waited for her.
My dad was an amazing man. He was a fighter. He loved him family so much. He loved his Saviour. He loved God’s creation. Although my heart is broken because I miss my dad so much, I’m envious of where he is now.
I know he is fishing with Jesus.
He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.
2 Cor. 5
Your dad’s prayers must have been answered too–to have you with him during this time. What a blessing you are. I’m praying for you and your family a lot.
Love you.
Dear Sweet Child of God and mine always. I love you so. People continually ask me, “Why was Bailey home when Bill was taken to Glory?” I just say it was certainly God’s plan and not mine because I discouraged her to wait until she was in better shape financially. And, then I tell them how Bailey would say that she felt she needed to come home right now. So, finally I said okay come home and we will figure out the finances later.
It confirms my realization that we,God’s children, should always listen to our Father when he is speaking. Throughout my life I am constantly reminded to just rest in God’s arms and he will work it all out.
Bailey, I am so glad you were home and got to spend such special time with your Dad. He loved us all so much that I know no matter how much his body was hurting and suffering, he did not want to leave us. He wanted to be in Heaven, glorifying God but he didn’t want us to be without him. He told me many times that his greatest fear was leaving us behind. I would asure him that we would be cared for and that I would take time to listen to God speak to me.
You must take that time yourself. Make sure you have at least 20 minutes a day to just listen to God speak to you. After all, that is far less than 10%. It can’t be that hard to give our Heavenly Father 20 minutes. I have found that journal writing is helpful. It is a time when all can flow out and cleanse our thoughts. It also makes good reflection to see how much we have grown. Second helpful thing is “be gentle with yourself”. It is easy to become hard on ourselves. The most helpful thing to me is to thank God for the little things and to ask for little things. Taking baby steps just means that. Look at all the little things we have to be thankful for. While washing dishes, thank God for the person that made that pan that made your life so much easier while preparing a meal.
I am so thankful for God allowing me to live the greatest part of my life with your father. So many times people give up on the roller coaster of marriage. But, we just never did. I always trusted God to save my husband and He guess what! He did!!! How thankful I am that I will be with him again someday. How devistating it would be to not have that assurance. And, I will be to see you not soon enough!!!I love you with all my heart. Mom
so, i heard this line on the movie “Holy Man” with Eddie Murphy and Jeff Goldblum (think leather jacket guy from Jurassic Park)… Eddie Murphy’s character, G was his name, said “why do we yawn at creation… and thrill at destruction?”
i liked it.
please blog more.
i like when you create… blogs, particularly.
Bailey,
I am a friend of Carrie’s. I just saw your blog through her post and saw that your Dad recently passed away. My Dad passed away a few weeks ago while we were visiting them out of town, so I understand your pain.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope you come to understand more and more how he appreciated you, as it sounds like he did.
Blessings,
James
Bailey,
This is beautiful. I love your family so much and I think that it is perfect the way your Dad passed. You know that Jesus is enjoying his company.
Love you,
Randi